A PARODY OF THE ICONIC HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE
In the wake of moving from the big city of Ft. Lauderdale to a small country town, I have been inspired to write this synopsis of my view of the Cookie Cutter Formatted Hallmark Christmas Movie. The general theme of most of the stories presented involve city-slickers systematically transitioning to rural life far from any big metropolis. And that is the essence of what I deem to cause the creation of “A Hybrid Country Life”.
My wife and I like watching the Hallmark Channel(s) during Christmas time, but I prefer movies that have a unique story to tell like “Finding John Christmas”, “The Santa Suit”, and “A Town Without Christmas”.
Most of them, however, are based on a standard and very repetitive format. I decided to write this Parody because we are starting to figure out the plots well in advance of the endings of each story. I hope you enjoy my presentation!
Act I: Opening Scene
Two yuppie women walking and talking gibberish in high profile business office
A Cold-Hearted Business Man shows up who has a casual but mostly heartless relationship with one of the women. Successful business endeavors and the relentless pursuit of managerial acknowledgement of his achievements are way more important to him than any type of meaningful relationship with this woman or anyone else, for that matter.
As for the woman, she has sort of given up on Christmas gatherings and embracing the holiday spirit, but is still vulnerable can be swayed given the right circumstances. For the purposes of this story, she will be known as Not So Christmas Loving Woman. The other lady with her is Not So Christmas Loving Woman’s best friend. For some inexplicable reason, she is constantly being goaded by Cupid to warn Not So Christmas Loving Woman away from this callous pile of misguided manhood and push her into a fantasy relationship with a “lovable and extremely adorable looking” hunk who simply dotes on all things Christmas.
As fate would have it, Not So Christmas Loving Woman always finds herself traveling to a rural town full of Christmas Loving People who wind up embracing her soon after she arrives. Even though she lets everyone know she is on the fence about embracing a Christmas mindset, she is eventually drawn into their web at some point because of the overpowering effect those Christmas Loving People have on her with their endless gobs of Christmas love.
In the mix of all this is a Christmas Loving Man who is very popular with the townsfolk. When this open minded woman makes her presence known, he is immediately drawn to her by the magical powers of some
Santa Clause knockoff character who can perform any type of nose twitching miracle to get the two together. To make things easier for this St Nick clone, Christmas Loving Man is always hanging around where he hopes his eligible bachelorhood will get noticed. During his forays about town, he somehow accidentally engages Not So Christmas Loving Woman. She is somewhat aloof or decidedly noncommittal at first, but eventually warms up to the attention Christmas Loving Man gives her because he is so darn ‘lovable and treats her like a queen’!
This Christmas Loving Man is way more adorable than her Cold Hearted Business Man boyfriend who not only doesn’t care much for Christmas per se, he is also turned off by the aura manifested by the Christmas Loving Town as a whole. Christmas Loving Man, on the other hand, is also extremely warm-hearted and very committed to the Christmas Loving Town.
Within a day or so, Not So Christmas Loving Woman begins to warm up to the onslaught of friendly innuendos perpetrated by all the Christmas Loving People she comes in contact with. Feeling somewhat adored by them, she now starts to garner some true feelings about the Christmas spirit. As a result of this juggernaut of affection, she has been transformed into a new and improved version of her former self and becomes a Lukewarm Christmas Loving Woman.
Meanwhile, Christmas Loving Man has upped the ante and decides he does not care that he is hanging out with another man’s woman and is ready to use crafty techniques to snatch her away from her city abode and yuppie lifestyle by acclimatizing her into his Christmas Loving Town dream world. So, he begins to outmaneuver Cold Hearted Business Man and make Lukewarm Christmas Loving Woman realize that she is starting to fall in love with him.
As part of the overall plan of action, Lukewarm Christmas Loving Woman is enticed to get involved with the festivities of the Christmas Loving Town. Since they have endeared themselves to her, the Town’s Christmas Loving People begin to let her know that she is now a perfect addition to their way of life. They also drop not so subtle hints that she is an ideal match for the Town’s resident Adonis, Christmas Loving Man.
By now, Lukewarm Christmas Loving Woman has been transformed into a full-fledged Christmas Loving Woman and is seriously affected by the advances of Christmas Loving Man. He is purposely everywhere she happens to be and is constantly drawing her ever so close to his loving self.
Because of this newfound attention he is giving her, she is beginning to feel the manifestations of true love. With these added feelings she now possesses that have endeared her to the Christmas Loving Mindset itself, she is beginning to forget all about Cold Hearted Business Man. Inspired by her new surroundings, she starts to send signals that lets the man know she is losing interest in him. Perplexed by her attitude, he decides to make an annoying unannounced trip to the Christmas Loving Town. His plan is to pull out all the stops and propose to her while feigning a phony interest in Christmas.
When he appears on scene to the dismay of everyone, Christmas Loving Woman is shocked to see him, as is Christmas Loving Man. Feeling empowered now, the insufferable goon moves in with intent to take over her activities. As for her, she is not thrilled one little bit with this sudden bold initiative. His not giving her some type of warning or courteous nod ahead of time has actually doomed his relationship with her.
Because of this sudden change of venue, Christmas Loving Man is displaying feelings of remorse and he lets Christmas Loving Woman see his pain as he feigns sadness and indicates he will start stepping aside. Still, he knows, that he will somehow reemerge as the victor in the end. That’s because he has worked too hard to get inside her mind and make her fall in love with him, so she cannot break the spell.
Christmas Loving Man feigns so much pain at losing her that he pretends to move out-of-town and take a job far away. Christmas Loving Woman can’t stand it any more and finally tells Cold Hearted Business Man that she no longer wants a Cold Hearted Romance. He is temporarily saddened by her dumping him because he thought he could schmooze her and get away with his shenanigans. Undaunted, he is sent packing and never looks back.
She then tries to find Christmas Loving Man before it is too late and he winds up leaving. She can’t find him and becomes tearful. All hope seems lost. It’s over
But just when she is ready to move on with her seemingly empty life, Christmas Loving Man comes sneaking up out of nowhere. She suddenly sees him and runs to embrace her “new” true love. Finally, they plant a big gooey kiss on each other’s lips and let the whole town know that a miracle of love has arrived in their Christmas Loving Town. Everyone cheers and claps and is happy beyond belief.
Christmas Loving Man and Christmas Loving Woman get married on Christmas Eve in the centermost and most auspicious spot in Christmas Loving Town. This commitment defines the moment where each one will abandon all their previous future plans and remain forever in Christmas Loving Town. The whole town is ecstatic and all the residents live happily ever after.
I am requesting that my readers click on the links provided and download a sample read of each book and give a review on Amazon. You will have free access to the first four chapters of each book. My hope is that you will like the story lines enough to obtain either an eBook version or a paperback copy that you can put on your bookshelf as a masterpiece when you are done. FATE STALKS A HERO I: RESURGENCE, FATE STALKS A HERO II:THE FIJI FULCRUM, and THE SAGA OF HERACLES PENOIT. I will be giving excerpts on these works in upcoming blogs to familiarize you the reader with exciting details about the contents of each one. Thank you!