The Iconic Hallmark Christmas Movie

Introduction

In the wake of moving from the big city of Ft. Lauderdale to a small country town, I have been inspired to write this synopsis of my view of a Standard Hallmark Christmas Movie. The general theme of most of the stories involves city-slickers systematically transitioning to rural life far from any big metropolis. And that is the essence of what I deem to cause the creation of “A Hybrid Country Life”.

My wife and I like watching the Hallmark Channel(s) during Christmas time. I prefer movies that have a unique story to tell like “Finding John Christmas”, “The Santa Suit”, and “A Town Without Christmas”.

Most of them, however, are based on a standard and very repetitive format. I decided to write this Parody because we are starting to figure out the plots well in advance of the endings of each story. I hope you enjoy!

Act I: Opening Scene

Two yuppie women walking and talking gibberish in high-profile business office

Cold-Hearted Business Man shows up who has casual but mostly heartless relationship with one of the women. Business success to him is way more important than any type of meaningful relationship with the woman.

Woman has sort of given up on Christmas but can be swayed. She will be known as Not So Christmas Loving Woman. The other woman is Not So Christmas Loving Woman’s best friend. She is constantly being goaded by Cupid to push Not So Christmas Loving Woman into a perfect relationship with a “lovable and extremely adorable” man.

Not So Christmas Loving Woman has to travel to a town full of Christmas Loving People who eventually embrace her. She is on the fence about embracing Christmas but is swayed at some point because of the continual effect of the Christmas Loving People overpowering her with gobs of Christmas love.

In the mix is a Christmas Loving Man who is very popular in the town. When she arrives, he is immediately drawn to the woman by the magical 

powers of some Santa Clause knockoff character who can perform any type of miracle to get the two together. Christmas Loving Man is always hanging around where he hopes to be needed. He somehow accidentally engages Not So Christmas Loving Woman. She is aloof or noncommittal at first, but eventually warms up to Christmas Loving Man because he is so “lovable and extremely adorable”!

Christmas Loving Man is way more lovable than Cold Hearted Business Man who doesn’t like Christmas and is turned off by Christmas Loving Town as a whole.

The Christmas Loving Man is also very warm-hearted and very committed to the Christmas Loving Town.

He is also well adept at messing with the mind of the Not So Christmas Loving Woman. It is so much so,  that she begins to have doubts about her relationship with Cold Hearted Business Man.  Christmas Loving Man begins to find all sorts of annoying ways to hang out with Not So Christmas Loving Woman.

Act II

Not So Christmas Loving Woman begins to warm up to the onslaughts of all the love and friendliness of the Christmas Loving People. She now starts to garner some feelings about Christmas. She has now transitioned into Partially Christmas Loving Woman.

Christmas Loving Man does not care that he is hanging out with another man’s woman and is ready to “craftily” snatch her away to his Christmas Loving Town. He begins to outmaneuver Cold Hearted Business Man and make Partially Christmas Loving Woman start to fall in love with him.

Partially Christmas Loving Woman begins to get involved in the festivities of Christmas Loving Town. The Christmas Loving People begin to let her know that she is now a perfect addition to Christmas Loving Town. They also hint at letting her know she is a perfect match for the Town’s Addonis-looking Christmas Loving Man.

Act III

Partially Christmas Loving Woman has now transformed into a full-fledged Christmas Loving Woman and is seriously affected by the advances of Christmas Loving Man. He is purposely everywhere she happens to be. He is constantly drawing her closer to himself.

Now she is starting to feel the manifestations of true love.  Starting to love Christmas, she is about ready to forget about Cold Hearted Business Man. She starts to send signals to Cold Hearted Business Man that she is losing interest in him. But it doesn’t matter. He decides to make an unannounced appearance to the Christmas Loving Town. His plan is to propose to her and show her a phony interest in Christmas.

Christmas Loving Woman is shocked to see him. So is Christmas Loving Man. Cold Hearted Business Man moves in and takes over. She is not thrilled with his sudden appearance. Not telling her he was coming actually has “doomed” him.

Christmas Loving Man is starting to feel remorse and he lets Christmas Loving Woman see his pain as he feigns sadness and starts stepping aside. He knows, however, that he will somehow re-emerge as the victor in the end. He has worked too hard to get inside her mind and make her fall in love with him. She cannot break the spell.

Final Act

Christmas Loving Man feigns so much pain at losing her that he pretends to move out-of-town and take a job far away. Christmas Loving Woman can’t stand it any more and finally tells Cold Hearted Business Man that she no longer wants a Cold Hearted Romance. He is temporarily saddened by her dumping him. He thought he could schmooze her. He is sent packing.

She then try’s to find Christmas Loving Man before it is too late and he winds up leaving. She can’t find him and becomes tearful. All hope seems lost. It’s over

But just when she is ready to move on with her seemingly empty life, Christmas Loving Man comes sneaking up out of nowhere. She suddenly sees him and runs to embrace her “new” true love. Finally they plant a big gooey kiss on each other’s lips and let the whole town know that a miracle of love has arrived in Christmas Loving Town. Everyone cheers and claps.

Christmas Loving Man and Christmas Loving Woman get married on Christmas Eve in Christmas Loving Town. This is where they will abandon all future plans and remain forever in Christmas Loving Town. The whole town lives happily ever after.

The End

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